Wednesday, April 1, 2009

The Blues

Back when we were living on Bluebell (+ 4 yrs ago), I started to recognize a pattern. Every February I had a day where I was so blue that I had to make myself move. I can remember sitting on the couch watching everyone move around the room while I felt like I didn't have the energy to get up. And, I didn't want to. I would have this mental argument where I would tell myself that I had to get up and start moving or I was going to go deeper into the funk I was in. I wasn't grouchy. I had no energy. I was blah.

Last year it hit me particularly hard. I felt like a zombie. The worst part only lasted for about 24 hours, but it took me a couple of weeks to finally feel normal again. It scared me!

February came and went this year with no trace of the blues. Then March passed by too. Yeah! I thought I was safe.

Not so. Of all days, why April 1st? I don't know. I stayed in bed with the covers over my head. I didn't answer the phone. When I finally forced myself out of bed into the shower, it was like watching a movie in slow motion. After awhile I realized I was standing under the shower with my mouth hanging open. I had to think about what to do. At the grocery store, I wrote the amount for the groceries on the "pay to the order of" line. I stood there dumbly looking at the check. I knew something was wrong, but I couldn't figure it out until I had studied the check for a few seconds. (Are you wondering why I was out driving? Me too!)

I did something different this time which I think helped. I told my husband. Knowing that someone else was aware helped me to fight back. And, forcing myself to get out the house helped too. I was still in slow mo but it helped to be around other people. It was like a distraction that helped me stay bobbing at the surface rather than sinking down deeper.

I feel much better but also on guard. I don't enjoy feeling like someone has sucked the energy out of me.

If you've ever watched the movie "The Dark Crystal" you'll understand what I'm afraid of. I don't want to be a Podling whose life essence has been drained.


Eldon and Janeil Olsen said...

Haven't seen Dark Crystal but I can imagine. I think we all have days like that. I'm glad you spoke up. I think exercise helps. But I know that's when you least feel like doing it.

I am really tired of this cold weather! The flowers bring hope however that spring will actually come and cheer us up.


Sweet Polly Purebred said...

I wanted to add that this happened to me on the same day of a cycle last year too.

velvetelement said...

I totally feel like that once in awhile but it doesn't last more than a day. I am glad Ken can help you work through it, isn't being married to a good man great!

brenda said...

I get that too! Isn't it seasonal affective disorder? Mine came the first week of April as well. I thought I was suffering "jet lag" after my trip to Utah, but it was more than that. Not just fatigue, but apathy. Maybe we need more vitamin D, or whatever it is the sun gives you. Maybe some weed-n-feed or miracle grow would help, too. :0)