Back when we were living on Bluebell (+ 4 yrs ago), I started to recognize a pattern. Every February I had a day where I was so blue that I had to make myself move. I can remember sitting on the couch watching everyone move around the room while I felt like I didn't have the energy to get up. And, I didn't want to. I would have this mental argument where I would tell myself that I had to get up and start moving or I was going to go deeper into the funk I was in. I wasn't grouchy. I had no energy. I was blah.
Last year it hit me particularly hard. I felt like a zombie. The worst part only lasted for about 24 hours, but it took me a couple of weeks to finally feel normal again. It scared me!
February came and went this year with no trace of the blues. Then March passed by too. Yeah! I thought I was safe.
Not so. Of all days, why April 1st? I don't know. I stayed in bed with the covers over my head. I didn't answer the phone. When I finally forced myself out of bed into the shower, it was like watching a movie in slow motion. After awhile I realized I was standing under the shower with my mouth hanging open. I had to think about what to do. At the grocery store, I wrote the amount for the groceries on the "pay to the order of" line. I stood there dumbly looking at the check. I knew something was wrong, but I couldn't figure it out until I had studied the check for a few seconds. (Are you wondering why I was out driving? Me too!)
I did something different this time which I think helped. I told my husband. Knowing that someone else was aware helped me to fight back. And, forcing myself to get out the house helped too. I was still in slow mo but it helped to be around other people. It was like a distraction that helped me stay bobbing at the surface rather than sinking down deeper.
I feel much better but also on guard. I don't enjoy feeling like someone has sucked the energy out of me.
If you've ever watched the movie "The Dark Crystal" you'll understand what I'm afraid of. I don't want to be a Podling whose life essence has been drained.