Thursday, April 9, 2009

Kudzu Vacation

Kudzu or "the vine that ate the south."

Our family lived in North Carolina from the time I was six until I was 14. I don't remember seeing Kudzu in FL, but it was definitely in NC. It covered everything on the ground and then grew up the nearby trees. It was like a green tidal wave. It was beautiful and could be useful, but it had become an invasive species smothering the native flora.

This week has been a kudzu week. All of those little "good" things on my schedule are like kudzu. They are beautiful and mostly good, but together they are overtaking me. They are making it hard to do the things that I feel should come first.

And so, I'm declaring a kudzu vacation starting Monday. I am going to choose carefully what I'm going to allow to creep into my life. Because we all know that those little creepers can become dense walls that block our view of the beautiful and important forest underneath it.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

The Blues

Back when we were living on Bluebell (+ 4 yrs ago), I started to recognize a pattern. Every February I had a day where I was so blue that I had to make myself move. I can remember sitting on the couch watching everyone move around the room while I felt like I didn't have the energy to get up. And, I didn't want to. I would have this mental argument where I would tell myself that I had to get up and start moving or I was going to go deeper into the funk I was in. I wasn't grouchy. I had no energy. I was blah.

Last year it hit me particularly hard. I felt like a zombie. The worst part only lasted for about 24 hours, but it took me a couple of weeks to finally feel normal again. It scared me!

February came and went this year with no trace of the blues. Then March passed by too. Yeah! I thought I was safe.

Not so. Of all days, why April 1st? I don't know. I stayed in bed with the covers over my head. I didn't answer the phone. When I finally forced myself out of bed into the shower, it was like watching a movie in slow motion. After awhile I realized I was standing under the shower with my mouth hanging open. I had to think about what to do. At the grocery store, I wrote the amount for the groceries on the "pay to the order of" line. I stood there dumbly looking at the check. I knew something was wrong, but I couldn't figure it out until I had studied the check for a few seconds. (Are you wondering why I was out driving? Me too!)

I did something different this time which I think helped. I told my husband. Knowing that someone else was aware helped me to fight back. And, forcing myself to get out the house helped too. I was still in slow mo but it helped to be around other people. It was like a distraction that helped me stay bobbing at the surface rather than sinking down deeper.

I feel much better but also on guard. I don't enjoy feeling like someone has sucked the energy out of me.

If you've ever watched the movie "The Dark Crystal" you'll understand what I'm afraid of. I don't want to be a Podling whose life essence has been drained.